desiring to rest yet remaining restless

i have to be honest with you.  After getting back to the states, it has been a very hard process of staying faithful in communicating about life on this blog.  I have been in a world wind of emotion, processing our past season of life in Asia (5 months) our growing family, future, etc. etc.  It is hard to type about what you see on TV or read on another blog/news when you are doing relief work in the midst of the worst recorded natural disaster in history, killing the most people.....  After gazing into my blank page on this computer I thought through some things I have seen that were unique like watching jane fonda on Larry King last night talking of her coming to Jesus but not liking to use the term, "christian" because she said it was too "political" - When King asked her if she was 'born again', her reply was 'I don't know. I don't even know what that means..."  And I think I  believed her a bit, altough I think she was trying to 'be safe'.   Back to my own dilemma.   Since the events of December 26 in Asia (tsunami)  People were hungry for news, stories, photos from 'on the field'- We were in the midst of it.  why has it decreased?  I am starting back on the "US preaching/speaking circuit" now.  Getting some invites and requests from different places. In all honesty, I am not too thrilled and it surprising me. "Am I burned out? Do I need to take a season to do nothing?" I ask myself.  Perhaps I am meant to spend my life in the villages in Asia and raise my family there full time and discontinue the 'dual continent' lifestyle we have going now.   There is this real struggle within my soul of  'home' / 'roots' -- What any cross-cultural worker deals with, whether they are a diplomat, military, or mission type.   As our family grows this year from 3 to 4  this issue is really surfacing -- I do not really know why I am being honest here, as I am sure many read this who I do not know personally. Perhaps it is for me to process and pray through it more or ask you to pray for me/us.   I do realize we all need the rhythms in life to ACT/DO/SERVE and then REFLECT/RENEW/REPLENISH --  it sure is more fun to post entries here of the "action" of the doing, helping, especially the past few months...I do welcome a season of rest, renewal in my own heart, mind, and body...Yet, i want to always stay restless of the injustice and poverty and wickedness in so many regions.  So it is this great tension of resting in the love of God yet staying restless over the injustice in the world... "Oh God, may I rest in you yet always remain restless..."

Comments

[Kerry]

Joel - an impression that I had after reading this post was the ongoing dichotomy you've always expressed about ServLife's outposts and the "West." Are you familiar with or read Pollock's book Third Culture Kids? Sounds like you're experiencing the simultaneous withdrawal from what stimulates and invigorates, yet drains you, while not necessarily experiencing true renewal and grounding when you're back "home" in different parts of the USA. I'll be praying for you.

[Laneia]

As I read thru your blog, and meet you in person, I'm reminded of Paul the Apostle in many ways. I must confess my first impression of your blogging was that you may be a bit arrogant, but when I met you in person, I saw only a humble servant of Jesus. I then was reminded of 2 Cor when Paul was dealing with people saying of him "he was bold in his letters, but weak and timid in person" (paraphrased). Also, as i read this particular blog, I'm reminded of when Jesus had just heard of and lost John the Baptist, his cousin, and wanted to get away. The people followed him across the ?river, and as he looked over them, he felt compassion for them and began teaching. You are a blessed person, Joel, and Elise, zayd, and the coming wee one are blessed to be able to be a part of the good God is doing through you for his Kingdom.
Bless you,
Laneia

[Carol]

Thanks for sharing your heart. I will pray for refreshment for you and Elise.
Please be encouraged about your speaking engagements while you're home. You are speaking to many hearts that are eager to know God's heart for the world. Many who are ready to go but just don't know where.
Keep on afflicting the comforted.
Carol

[Mike]

Joel - great post! Thanks for sharing and being honest.

One book recommendation I have for you in this season - Henri Nouwen's "The Genesee Diary". Have you read it? I can see some simliarities w/ Henri and your "US preaching/speaking circuit" to a degree. Henri goes to live in a Trappist Monastery for several months and journals about it in this book. Powerful stuff. I think you'd get a lot out of it in this season.

I'll pray for rest & replenishment for you!

Grace,
Mike